Susan is Forgiven
by Lady of the Shade
Summary: Set after the Last Battle from Susan's POV.  She misses her family and goes to see their graves.  I own nothing, everything belongs to CS Lewis except the situation.  Rated K


Susan Pevensie walked into the graveyard around the corner from her little flat in London. It was right after the Christmas holidays. From behind her, Susan could hear the shouts from the children as they played with their new Christmas toys in the street just outside of the graveyard's iron gate. They sounded like they had had a very good Christmas.

Susan felt tears well up in her eyes as she walked further into the graveyard upon its snow covered dirt path. She hadn't had a very good Christmas. Not a very good Christmas at all. Susan turned off the path and began to walk down the row of graves to her left until she stopped at four graves.

The first one was of her parents, who had been buried together. Susan took a rose out of the bouquet of 15 roses she had brought with her and laid it against the tombstone. Her glove-covered hand shook as she patted the top of the stone.

The next one was of her elder brother, Peter. Susan sighed and with a shaking hand, took another rose from her bouquet and placed it against the tombstone. "Why couldn't I have gone with them?" she whispered up to the sky. "Why did you let me not answer them? They didn't have to go onto the train. And if I hadn't stayed here, I would be with them now and not alone here by myself." Her brown tear filled eyes searched the sky but found no answer that God had heard her.

Taking small, trembling steps, Susan walked up to the third grave. Her brother Edmund was buried here. Susan felt the tears leave her eyes and they trickled, salty and warm down her cold pink cheeks. She took another rose and placed it on Edmund's tombstone, before giving it a sad smile. He was too young to have died.

Finally, Susan looked from her peripheral vision to the last grave on the left. It was the smallest one and someone had already placed flowers there. The flowers had long since dried. The petals were crisp and brown. Most had fallen. Susan tossed the dead ones into the bush beside the grave and placed a rose onto the last tombstone. It was the grave of her youngest sibling… her sister, Lucy. Lucy was only 17 when she died. She had still been in school. She would have graduated in June. She would have had many beaux. Susan knelt down upon her knees and stared at the words engraved onto the tombstone. She had chosen them for Lucy and knew Lucy would be proud if she saw them.

_Here lies a Valiant Queen of Narnia. Though she died young, she had the wisdom of an adult and a wit to match. She will be missed by her sister and her schoolmates._

Susan then looked down at the single rose she had placed on the tombstone. It seemed insignificant to how she felt. And so, Susan placed the rest of the roses upon Lucy's grave. As she did, a memory flashed before her eyes. It was two weeks ago, the day before Edmund, Lucy and Peter were to go on the train.

_Flashback_

_Susan had been putting on her makeup in her bedroom when someone had knocked on her front door. She had thought it was her currant boyfriend Matthew but instead when she had opened her door, she had found Lucy standing there. She let Lucy in and got her a cup of tea before she returned to her bedroom, leaving Lucy sitting in the living room by herself. After a few minutes, Lucy walked down the hall and entered Susan's bedroom._

"_Are you angry with me, Susan?" Lucy had asked her. Susan had ignored her sister and continued getting ready for her date. After a few more minutes, Lucy spoke again. "Why are you ignoring me, Susan?" At this point, Susan had finished putting on her makeup and had begun putting on her silk stockings. _

"_Lucy, I'm getting ready for a date. You are slowing me down. He's going to be here in 10 minutes and I still have to set my hair and put on my party dress."_

"_Susan, you haven't spoken to any of us since Edmund and I got back from Narnia again three years ago. Why?"_

"_Why?" Susan had exclaimed then and she had glared at her sister. "You're asking me why?"_

"_Yes," said Lucy. "Susan, none of us understand. Especially Mother since we never told her about Narnia. She thinks you hate her, you know. And Father doesn't understand why Mother is devastated because she refuses to talk about it anymore."_

"_Good for them," Susan said icily. _

"_Susan, I know you think that Narnia is a child's game. But I have news for you: Narnia is real. It still is real. Cousin Eustace has been there with us and on another time by himself. Do you not remember Reepicheep or Aslan? What about Caspian? Do you remember him?"_

"_SHUT UP, LUCY!" Susan had screeched and then she had slapped her little sister. Lucy had stumbled back from the bedroom into the hallway. There was actually a red hand mark on her left cheek. Tears welled up in her eyes but she refused to cry. Susan stood there, breathing heavily, in shock of what she had just done._

"_Lucy…" Susan whispered but Lucy was running down the hall, grabbing her school satchel off of Susan's couch and then she was out Susan's front door. Susan was left standing in her bedroom holding her evening gown in her hand, listening to the quiet silence in her flat. It seemed to her that the sound of the slap echoed in her ears and around the room. _

_End of Flashback_

Susan had never apologized to her sister and the next day, her sister was dead. So Susan felt that somehow giving Lucy the rest of the bouquet was some way of saying sorry. Then Susan turned round and has snow started to fall from the sky, Susan leaned against Lucy's tombstone and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Tears began to fall anew and Susan just sat there, thinking about all the memories she had with her siblings in Narnia and her parents. Wherever they were now, she hoped they were happy. For how long she sat there, she had no idea.

"Susan?" a surprised voice called. Susan looked up and her tear stained face looked into the face of her boyfriend, Matthew.

"Hey."

"Hey," replied Matthew. "How long have you been here?"

"No idea," replied Susan. "What time is it?" Her voice sounded broken and monotone.

"It's just after four in the afternoon," responded Matthew.

"Then I've been here for three hours," said Susan. "And I'm cold and sad. I feel empty, Matthew. There is nothing left to live for."

"You have me" said Matthew.

"That's true," said Susan. "I do have you." She smiled up at him. Matthew extended his hand and Susan reached up with her left hand and took his. Matthew hoisted her up and wiped the snow off her shoulders and back. He gave her a soft kiss. Susan hugged him before looking sadly back at the four tombstones.

"I love you," she said to all of them.

"It's true," said Matthew to the tombstones. "She does. A lot."

They stood there in silence for a few more minutes and then Susan looked up her boyfriend. "Can we go now?" she asked quietly.

"Of course," said Matthew. Together, the two of them turned and began to leave the graveyard. Susan swore she could hear Lucy laughing softly but it could have been the wind. As the sun came out, Susan heard Aslan chuckle and knew that they all forgave her.


End file.
